I was going through some of my older emails today when I came across an email sent to myself, dated Sep, 2013. The letter was intended for me to read it exactly one year later.. Now, I must admit I've done some dumb stuff in my life, but this definitely didn't look like a mistake to me. As I went through the almost 2 page long mailer (By now, I'm sure you understand I love writing long letters), a plethora of emotions rang circles in my head.
Before I give my two cents on this, I want you to go through some excerpts from that fateful letter...
"...I know by this time, you would have found a lot more meaning and purpose in your life. Stay with the flow, have faith in your leader and remain self-assured. You were selected for a purpose, a heady mix of competence and learnability is what got you here, and will continue to help you move ahead..."
"...When we are young, it is easy to identify heroes from villains. As you grow older (and hopefully, wiser), the lines will get blurred. You will experience life moving with you in shadows, always a shade of grey-never black or white. Adapt, learn and take it in your stride. Your greatest strength lies in self-assurance, never lose sight of that trait. Never lose sight of people who inspire you to respect yourself first, and then those around you. They will be your biggest critics and your only true compatriots.."
"...Hopefully, when you are reading this, you will have already experienced your first trip abroad. A vacation may mean a week off all human contact, but I know you will make the most of it. You will have met new people, talked to absolute strangers, listened to their stories, and hopefully kicked some items off your bucket list..."
"...Your work is not just a job to you, its an extension of your persona. It will offer you freedom to do things few peers might have even thought of doing by the time they are 29. Enjoy your moments... You've earned every second of it..."
"...Not that you would have become a better son/partner/friend by this time (I know you way too well), I would only expect that you "be there" for your family, your partner, in short anyone who holds you dear (I do hope there are some still crazy enough to do that) and matters. Never let go, even if they do. They still need you, even if they express otherwise..."
"...I know you have this lifetime intimacy with your first love, depression. It comforts you, puts an invisible hand on your shoulder when you need it most. Eventually, it will kill you. That is exactly what it is. It will take away all that you hold dear to yourself, under the guise of self-pity. It will one day make your near and dear ones walk away from you, perhaps forever. Try and express what you are really going through a lot more. See, the more you internalize, the more you let people around you feel you don't trust them. And if all this is too much for you, I pray you garner sufficient strength to walk alone..."
"...I don't know why, but I have this intuition- you will go through a period of heartache and misery-in short, you might have hit rock bottom at some time. Take responsibility and move on, in the face of all that anger and pain you normally experience. You've had this cycle of ups and downs since college, then arising out of a sudden sense of loneliness. Honestly, I have no solution to this (you do realise, I am you!). Hang on, and hope for the tide to pass..."
"... Not that you won't know this already, but there are a lot of people waiting for that one phone call from your end to tell them you remember them every day and still care. If you've not had the good sense to connect with them already, its not too late. I'm sure a lot of them will have moved on and would have expected you to do the same as well. Which is exactly why you need to let them know you haven't. I know you've changed as well, and have now become accustomed to a lifestyle that requires tons of personal space. Nevertheless, friends don't change, at least the genuine ones don't. You will never know if you don't get out there again..."
During his commence speech at Stanford 2005, Steve Jobs made a statement that will last me a lifetime. He said "...Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life..."
I felt an eerie sense of deja vu as I went through the letter, word by word. Those of you who've seen me in the last 12 months would know that all of the above rang true in some sense or another for me and those around me. Although in hindsight, I must admit I am in love with this concept now. So here's a promise to my future self.. I will write another letter (hopefully not as long) and this time set some clear goals that I intend to see to completion. And hopefully, I will read it in happier times.
Till then, I will leave you to your thoughts...
Kapish.
